Always Forever Still . . . my LOVE
October 10th 2015 marks the one year anniversary of the day I lost my brightest star and deepest dearest friend. My love for over 36 years; I still cannot fathom you are truly gone. But, alas, it is true, and you are no longer here with me. The pain and loneliness (like the Grand Canyon) are still too overwhelming for me to try and convey. My grief and sadness cannot be expressed in words - so I will not dwell there.
Instead, I want to commit my memory to the wonderful and comforting thoughts of you dwelling in Heaven - and in the arms of Jesus! Thoughts of you fishing on the shores of crystal lakes, with your faithful companion "Sydney the cattle dog" at your side : ) (who, for the record, could not bare life without you and would not eat enough to live- dying 31 days after you.)
I want thoughts of you now living free from the raging pain of Multiple Sclerosis and freedom from the cancer that finally took it's toll.
I think of our wonderful little life together : ) & how we would find happiness and fun in the smallest ways. Contentment! even in the midst of the limitations life inflicted. I loved our life together and I love you~ Your daughters & son-in-laws, grandchildren, your family and friends, all miss you so. very. much.
Though our circumstances were sometimes difficult, there was so much joy to be had! Whether you were well enough for us to 'steal away' to Montana to see the kids, or, if the weekend consisted of a day on the back patio and a Friday nite pizza~ Life was Good my darlin' man, life was good. Your courage has moved me, and encouraged me. I am still learning from you. And though without you, my life will never be the same, you have given me both roots and wings~
I am realizing as I write this, that, I probably wasn't ready to write this : / (tears tears tears) but I want to mark your anniversary and honor you the best way my little heart can right now. So I will end with the words of a song from:
Nichole C Mullins - I Will Always Love You
Tell me, if you break the hour glass
can you hold to what you have?
- can you make the moment last?
And tell me, if you give away your heart
and then, life tears you apart-
Is it the end - - or just the start?
Well no matter how far you go
I will always love you
Like a thousand rivers from my soul
I will always love you
I miss you, and the funny things you'd say
I remember every day
In a hundred different ways
And I miss you, being here with me
And though you've been Set Free
I hold you in my memory
I love you~
No valley is too wide
I love you~
Across the Great Divide
So - - soar through the skies above, or
Conquer the earth below,
There's one thing I want you to know
No matter how far you go
I will always love you
Like a thousand rivers from my soul
I will always love you~
The sweetest thing, I've ever known, is loving you.
Dear friends, I may have caught you off-guard with this post and that was not my intention.~ But there is not an "easy" way to ease something like this into new conversations or friendships; especially 'cyber' friendships. (whatever that means : )
ReplyDeleteI lost my wonderful husband to cancer last year; though he did struggle with MS for 12+ years before that. Life was hard but God is good and with the support of our family and friends and the grace of God we were able to enjoy much of the simple life and were so thankful for that : ]
I thought perhaps blogging would be a helpful avenue for me~ I had tried a while back and it didn't work out. But I hope it will be a happy outlet for me when possible~
I expect there are many out there who can relate to grief. It's like a rollercoaster for me. But I know many who say It Does Get Better~
Thank you for taking time to stop and read this : ) I hope I'm not too weird! Kind of just laying it all out there - - -but I don't know how else to be~ 'cept me : ]
Hope you have a blessed day. Being with family today, I know I will~
Karen
Dear Karen, being a totally new friend of yours, I feel so sad for your loss, and understand your grief and tears.
ReplyDeleteYou spend many wonderful years with your husbond, and he will always be with you, in your heart.
I think it was brave of you, to tell us all , your inner feelings, and what happened of sadness in your life, and
send you many thoughts of friendship. You know I already told you I love visiting you here, and so hope you
comtinue to post on your blog !
All the best of wishes for you, and blessings, too.
Hugs Dorthe
Thank you Dorthe~
DeleteI feel such kindness from you!~
And I do hope to keep blogging : ) Thank you for your encouragement; it means so much.
I am away from my regular computer right now, But I hope to visit your blog soon~
Thank you,
Karen
Hello Karen. I was so moved by this beautiful tribute to your husband, who was obviously a wonderful man. I have not known grief of this magnitude and can only imagine what you will feel like when October 10th comes each year. I hope that you will keep blogging and knowing that your blogging friends are with you for more than sharing just art. Hugs, Sue
ReplyDeleteOh Sue I am finding so much kindness in the Crafting blogland : )
DeleteThank you for the visit and kind words. It really means a lot~
I cannot really express what is going on in my heart right now, but
I am grateful for the opportunity blogging give me to try : ]
I think it will be a blessing~
Hope you have a nice weekend!
Karen
Big hugs to you Karen! I am so sorry that you lost your love and his passing is so fresh still. I like to think they are always with us in our hearts and in spirit.
ReplyDeleteYes they are Nancy~
DeleteWe all experience loss, but the 'dealing with it' part is sometimes a long process~
He will always be in my heart <3
I'm so sorry to hear you lost the love of your life Karen, take care sweetie, I hope time will soften the pain and give you more peace. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Wen,
DeleteI appreciate your care and concern~
I don't know what you are dealing with at this time, but I do hope the very best for you.
We all have our share to deal with don't we.
Thank you for taking time to visit and encourage me <3
Karen
Oh my this brought tears to my eyes, I feel the pain you still suffer from his loss, so glad to see that you are going on still and starting to create again, that is a good thing I feel, so sorry your time with him was cut short, hugs to you
ReplyDeleteThank you Connie, for taking time to read and comment; much appreciate the hugs <3 Karen
Deleteawesome tribute to your love !
ReplyDeleteConnie, I hope you know you are such an encouragement to me; someone I've always looked up to and learned so much from - taking time to visit me! : ) Truly means a lot my friend~ Karen
DeleteI only found your blog this morning, Karen. I was widowed a long time ago. My heart went out to you in your beautiful tribute to your husband. I would like to share this with you as it is so true - a small poem - "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I will be waiting." - J. M. Barrie. It does take time Karen but one day the sun does shine again. - Penne
ReplyDeleteOh thank you so much Penne; I appreciate you taking time to comment and include the poem. I know you can relate to me; how I feel. Please know it means a lot to me! and I wanted to say that I do dream of Alan often, and it helps me feel closer to him. Appreciate you. Waiting for the sunshine~ Karen
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